What are you? Hero, Antihero, or Vigilante?

A word on vengeance....I have to disagree; I am completely ustified in seeking my vengeance against a certain corrupt organization for what they did to us. I have more than earned the right to avenge myself, and every family they have ruined, and every innocent child they have broken. Oh yeah, lol, yeah it's an emotional response all right. What else should they expect? Forgiveness? BWHAHAHAWHAHAHA! Riiiiiggghht. XD

Note, the above is intended to be comedic, but also serious, (I did actually burst out laughing when my therapist asked if I could ever forgive them, she hasn't read the decades worth of paperwork on my enemies and just about everyone like them that I have, it's a.....passion.) just to put things into perspective a little bit.....there are plenty of mortal men, women, and children, very much so exceedingly worthy of seeking their vengeance. Some may have less reason than others. In my case, there's no question, I have to make them disappear, it's the only way I can picture myself actually being happy and satisfied with my life. Sometimes vengeance and justice really are the same thing. Take it from someone who's done tons of reflecting on the virtues of vengeance and justice.

My folks agree with me by the way, we're open with each other about just about everything now. They freaked when I finally returned home and I was covered in scars from head to toe; they hadn't seen me in years. I wish they never found out sometimes, but in the end I guess I'm glad I don't have to hide or pretend around them. They told me if we weren't poor we'd be pressing charges and suing them for all they have, and my immediate response hasn't changed a bit and they understand that, "I don't want their money; I want them gone." No amount of money could ever be offered to me as rekempence (that spelled right? I know the word just not the spelling). I'm not for sale.

Vengeance and indignation are two different things. When you talk about your experiences with PCS, you focus on what you personally know, but that's not where you focus. You focus on what they do to others. That's indignation. When you're motivated by vengeance, it's about you; when you're motivated by indignation, your experiences are a step toward what you really make it about... the suffering of others.

When you look at a mirror, and see how scarred up you are by the guards, you feel the original anger and pain. You want revenge. Then, you see the children behind you, who share your pain, and suddenly, it's no longer about what you suffered. You become their mirror image. What kind of beating can they give to a reflection?

Regardless of your original motivation, it's your motivation now that matters.

im neither im a messenger vessal nothing more thats  who i am good not perfect just a person wanting to help  out-peace- 

@Anyman: It's difficult to put my finger on how I feel about it all; almost indescribable. I'd have to say it's a moldy combination of revenge, indignation, fear, and obligation that's been left festering out in the hot sun....lol, it's really hard to describe without it becoming unrecognizable to people who haven't experienced that feeling with no name, the few I've met who went through what I did want them gone just as much as I do, we're building an army. Thanks to us media is increasingly becoming aware; we're being called the Provo Canyon School Survivors; we're practically a subculture now (or would counter culture be more appropriate?). That fact alone starts making my blood boil all over again, that feeling with no name. Indescribable.

Well, I didn't really burst out laughing, I snorted in surprise at the suggestion, a chunky piece of snot shot out of my nose onto my leg, then I was laughing, still at a loss for words as to how I could relate to her how I felt about the notion, (My last therapist understood me better but lucky for me he'd already knew the truth about that place and read my file, he was like a second dad in ways, or a cool uncle. It was because of him that I was even presented with the oppertunity to carry out the Juneau Mission.

Vigilante.
from Latin vigilāre to keep watch